1. I will kill the aspiring Evil Overlord while he’s young, not let him get away so he can build in power and come back later to destroy the world.
  2. If the Evil Overlord is about to fall off a cliff, I will let him fall, rather than saving him so he can betray me as soon as he is safe.
  3. I will not bother solving puzzles to retrieve that powerful artifact that is locked away, knowing it is safe from the Evil Overlord as long as it remains locked away.
  4. Likewise, if that powerful artifact has a guardian, I will not fight him/her/it to retrieve the artifact. Though I could win the battle, it would allow the Evil Overlord to swoop in and steal the artifact while the guardian is distracted.
  5. However, if I also need the powerful artifact, once I find out where it is, I will go and get it right away, rather than waiting while the Overlord sends his minions to steal it out from under me.
  6. If I need to retrieve a powerful artifact, I will anticipate the Evil Overlord trying to steal it and I will do all that is possible to defend proactively against this.
  7. When the Evil Overlord offers to trade me a powerful item for any reason, I will not take it.
  8. I will start right off with my most powerful attack. If that fails, I know I cannot win and I will run away to try to learn a more powerful attack.
  9. I will not spend three minutes winding up to perform an attack without first making sure I have someone to distract my enemies, or without at least determining that my enemies will in fact stand there and watch me do it.
  10. I will never stand around and watch my enemies power up no matter how cool I think their attack will be. Instead I will attack the enemies while they leave themselves vulnerable.
  11. Before attacking any of my greater enemies, I will pause a moment and listen for my theme song to play. If it doesn’t, I know that my attack is destined to fail, so I will retreat to attack again at another time.
  12. I will value annihilating my enemies over worrying about whether they will provide “a challenge.”
  13. I will destroy the Evil Overlord’s first form and not allow him to reach his final, most powerful form.
  14. Even if I have a magical power, I will still strive to train in armed and unarmed combat. You never know when the Evil Overlord will somehow drain or lock away all magic power on the planet.
  15. I will not allow myself to be put into a slumber for seven years to give the Evil Overlord plenty of time to get himself settled before the sages will release me and let me go fight him.
  16. I will not accept the mysterious stranger into my group; it is far too easy for him to betray me at a critical moment.
  17. I will be suspicious of any person in my group whose name, when spelled backwards, spells someone else’s name.
  18. I will always be suspicious of the king’s most trusted advisor, especially if he looks evil.
  19. I will never make deals with the Evil Overlord. He will always break them.
  20. I will encourage the Evil Overlord to make deals with others, however. When he betrays them, they will hopefully distract him, allowing my attack to succeed.
  21. If the Evil Overlord’s minions are fighting amongst themselves, I will get out of the way and let them have at it.
  22. If I have a spunky younger sister, I will encourage her to train in weapons and magic, as she will obviously be more powerful than me if she works at it.
  23. However, if I have a quiet younger sister, I will do my best to keep her away from all conflict. If her power was awakened, it could destroy the world.
  24. If I have a brother, older or younger, I will let him lead our group, since I do not want his jealousy turning him to evil. Though he could not defeat me, he might distract me and allow the Evil Overlord to kill my love interest.
  25. If the Evil Overlord (or one of his minions) attempts to use psychological warfare against me, I will ignore it until after our fight is over. Distractions can be deadly, and I can always get therapy later.
  26. If the Evil Overlord (or one of his minions) is preparing for a huge attack against me, I will use jokes or math problems to distract him until I can get my own attack off.
  27. Rather than push one of my companions out of the way of an attack and heroically sacrifice myself by taking the attack head on, I will follow through with the push, getting us both out of the way.
  28. I will not stand around and let big things fall on my head.
  29. If something large like a boulder is rolling toward me, I will run
    perpendicular to it, rather than away from it.
  30. There are some battles I am destined to lose in life. I will view these losses as the minor setbacks they are, rather than wasting time, energy, and valuable items trying to win in an impossible situation.
  31. The Evil Overlord will always betray me.  Think of the worst thing he can do, and assume he will do worse.  If I plan in this way, I should come out ahead.